The Man with the Dirty Pants

This past weekend I did not want to stay at home and do the things I needed to do (like laundry, dishes, etc). So I decided to go to Lowe's to pick out some paint color samples for the baby's room. I really also wanted to pick out some pretty flowers and other fun plants to landscape my front yard with. BUT, since I have the world's worst allergies I knew I would pay (for the next 24hrs) for even 5 minutes in the garden department...so, I stuck to paint samples and other odds and ends for the nursery. My Lowe's adventure did not last me long enough though. I had looked at everything I could think to look at...but I wasn't ready to go back home...so I went next door to the mall.

After shopping for a birthday present for my niece...and of course looking at the incredibly cute baby things...and picking out a cute monkey outfit for the boy...and looking at men's clothes for the hubby...and purses for me...I finally made my way to the checkout. The only checkout I could find with a cashier.

There was a man standing in front of me returning a pair of sunglasses and it was taking FOREVER! So I waited patiently...with my back killing me...while thinking seriously about getting something very unhealthy to eat as a snack once I left the mall...maybe a milkshake...or a giant cookie...no a milkshake sounds better.

So while I am contemplating my unhealthy snack options I notice that the guy in front of me has something on his pants. They were dark pants...so I couldn't tell exactly what it was. I stared a little more intently...nope...still couldn't tell what it was. So I gave up and glanced at the cashier just in time to see that there was a mirror directly behind the cashier and the man with dirty pants was watching me stare at his rear.

I really, really wanted to tell him that I did not find his hind quarters attractive in any way and that in fact there was something on his pants...and that I was only looking so hard to try to figure out what it was...and wasn't it my business to know what was on his pants? But I finally decided - who cares - I am pregnant... my back was killing me... I wanted something to eat... so dirty-pants-man can just think what he wants. Maybe it boosted his ego a bit to have some pregnant woman intensely check out his rear. And hey, everyone needs a boost now and then.

Reasons I Love Being Pregnant #1

While on your way to pee in a cup (at the doctor's office), you run into a woman coming out of the restroom in front of you. With one hand she is opening the door and in the other hand she holds her cup 'o pee and a Hawaiian Punch...and all you can think is "Man that Hawaiian Punch looks good."

Don't try this at home...

Try not to say things like this to the pregnant women near you:

"Do you know what it is?" Hope it's a baby or my husband will be really mad!

"Oh, it's a boy...your husband must be so happy." I guess there is an unwritten rule that men only want boys. Oh and I guess women only like girls.

"I think you are starting to really be pregnant!" Hmmm...been pregnant for a while now...that might explain it.

"You look really tired...pregnancy will do that to you!" Well, you are really annoying...stupidity will do that to you.

You

You may recognize these words from my quote on the side - I just love NOOMA!