Monday, November 27, 2006

There is just no accounting for taste...

Well, it's that time of year...time to pull out the Christmas music and decorate the Christmas tree. Since this is the 1st Christmas in our new house I am very excited about decorating. I have found out that all the decorations we used to cram in our small-ish house now get lost in our large-ish house. It looks kind of sad.

But anyway, this being our 1st year in this neighborhood also means that this is the first time we have seen the decorations of our neighbors. Now, we live in a pretty nice area...we aren't talking Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous here, but nice enough. I was pretty excited Saturday when I saw the icicle lights and the luminaries going up on our street...I love, LOVE luminaries. And to me, you just can't go wrong with white lights! Then THEY decorated their yard. Yes, them...the ones with the yard decorations know where!

Say it with me...


That's right, they have quite a collection of Christmas decor. The Nativity scene, moose, deer, snowmen, Santa (the plastic light up one and a stuffed one), candy canes, lights thrown here and there and a MERRY CHRISTMAS sign to end all signs. It is the type of yard that makes you cringe a little thinking that you will be having Christmas parties at your home...and your friends will see their all it's misguided holiday glory.

But hey, it will give us something to laugh about. Maybe we can even have a contest to see who can guess how many light up candy canes there actually are!

Monday, November 20, 2006

The Elderly

Let's just take a moment to talk about our education system...not for children...but for the elderly. In working at the church I have learned several things about how the elderly mind works and I really think that there should be several classes offered at the community center based on the following things:

1. Phone Etiquette 101
Class Description: When calling a business please do not skip to the middle of the conversation because you just assume the other person knows what the holy crap you are talking about!!!!!!! For example: nobody knows who you spoke to on the phone last week, or who "what's his name" is. When you start the conversation with " I just got the thing in the mail and it says that the check is from 2003 and I just want to know where it came from" are really leaving a LOT of things up in the air...and DON'T get pissy when we try to decipher what you are thinking but not saying outloud!!!!

2. Voicemail is Your Friend
Class Description: When calling for a person (whose name you actually know by some miracle) and said person is unavailable, please leave a voicemail. Voicemail does not steal your soul; it is not some form of identity theft; it will not kill you (though the receptionist might if you do not leave one); and people actually DO check it.

3. How to Leave a Message on Voicemail
Class Description: When leaving a message on voicemail, simply state your name, number and a BRIEF description of your question/ concern. You do not have to ask all the questions on your list (that can wait until they call you back).

4. Have Patience
Class Description: When calling a business and asking for someone in particular, please do not blame the receptionist if they are already on the phone. This class is for you if you have had the following conversation:

Receptionist: FBC, how can I help you?

Old Person: I need to talk to ____.

R: She is on the phone right now. Would you like to leave a voicemail?

OP: No, I need to talk to her.

R: Ok, well she is on the phone. You can leave a message or call back later.

OP: NO, I need to talk to her. How much longer will she be on the phone?

R: Well, in order to know that I would have to have telepathic powers...and if I had telepathic powers I could shoot her a mind beam that said you were on the phone in the first place and we wouldn't be having this conversation...but since I wasn't given the power of telepathy...then I DON'T KNOW! Would you like to leave a freakin' voicemail?

(Ok, so just ignore the last part)

5. Driving
Class Description: Do you really need one?

So, let's pick up the slack in our education your local government office and petition better education for our elderly...they aren't our future, but they could be the death of us.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Gone with the Wind

Today it is VERY windy outside...and this was the phone call I got earlier this morning at work...

Little Elderly Lady: "I, auhhh, just wanted you to auhhh know that the auhhh wind is gusting up to 45 miles an hour right now."

Me: "Oh really?" (Sighing to myself)

LEL: "Auhhhh, yes."

(long pause...because I thought this would be where she would get to the point)

Me: "It is pretty windy out there!"

LEL: "Well, auhhh don't stand under any trees becuase you know auhhh old what's his name that I was friends with auhhhh was standing under a tree when a auhhh branch broke off and landed on his head. Auhhh...killed him. Auhhhh yeah, so be careful out there."

Me: "Oh my goodness." (laughing to myself...not because the man died, but because this is why she tell me this)

LEL: "Well, maybe I auhhh will see you tonight...if I make it out in this wind."

Oh to have nothing else to worry about but the wind.

(and in case you wanted to was the boob lady)

Friday, November 10, 2006

Faux Paint

So...last Friday night my husband and I made a dash to Lowe's to pick out a new paint color for the dining room...something better than Institutional Gray. hour later we were still trying to figure out what to do. Finally, we decided to do a two-tone technique that used a special we go in search of the roller in the "Faux Paint" section. Then we decided to do a stippling technique we gathered up the supplies for that.

Let me just recap for you:
-we run into Lowe's to buy a gallon of paint (before we go out to eat)
-after an hour we are still looking
-we leave with one gallon of paint, one pint of glaze, one stipple brush, one pounce brush, one package of cheesecloth and two paint trays...for a grand total of $75

Yeah...In the check-out line when she told us the total my husband said "All we came for was a gallon of paint...what happened?"

I guess we were victims of the pretty brochures and fancy displays that made faux painting techniques look so wonderful.

Well...Saturday night when I had been faux painting for four...yes FOUR...hours and still hadn't finished the first wall...I didn't think it was so wonderful anymore! I was pretty sure that if I had to "stipple" for one more minute, my hand was going to snap right off my arm at the wrist. I FINALLY finished sometime Sunday a grand total of about 9 hours worth of painting!

Needless to say...I will not be stippling anything else for quite some time...but man, it does look great!

This bottom picture is a more accurate view of the color...the other picture makes it look more red.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

She's a lady...

...well, maybe not!
This is our dog...and this is how she sleeps. We really get a kick out of the amount of time she spends sleeping like a person. It seems that sleeping on her back is the most comfortable position for her.

She isn't very modest either.

Friday, November 03, 2006


It has been one of those days

...well, more like one of those weeks

...ok, let's just get real...we're going on a month now.

I am tired

I am frustrated

And I am burned out.

Work is frustrating (this would be the source of the burn-out)...but I won't go there - I mean who really cares about that. Except I wish that I were better at leaving the work frustration at work and not letting it spill over into the rest of my life.

Then, I was awakened at 3:15 this morning only to find that my husband had to traipsing all over town because one of his former employees had been caught trying to break in to one of his stores. Then we found out he had already stolen from another (allegedly). And of course, after getting frustrating news like that...I couldn't get back to sleep.

Then for some reason I can't and I mean CAN'T pick out the right paint colors to save my ever-lovin' life. I mean, they look great on those little one inch swatches. I fantasize about how it will look on my walls and with my furniture (I know - I am strange)...I imagine what art I will hang to accent the color...etc.

So, I go to Lowe's and buy a gallon and then...

...and THEN I put it on my walls and merciful heavens if it isn't ANYTHING like what I imagined. For the love of all that is holy could someone please start making 8 X 10 paint swatches?

Right now my dining room is splattered with Institutional Gray (as my hubs likes to call it). I swear to you guys that it looked tan on the swatch...I mean the name of it was Ashlar Gray...but it really seemed to lean more toward the brown end of the spectrum than the black end.

So now I get to go back to Lowe's and get ANOTHER gallon of paint...but first I have to find another microscopic swatch of tan that I think will work!

Thank the sweet Lord above that today is Friday...I just don't think I could take it if it were any other day!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Grant!!
Don't eat too much candy and cake!
Love you!