Discontent

I want to be content.

Most of the time I think that I am. I don't need fancy clothes... or shoes... or handbags. Most of the things my family wears come from Target, WalMart or Ross.

I don't need fancy cars... though we are both blessed to drive very nice vehicles that meet our needs well.

Things in my life don't matter much. I have spent the last year or so trying to let go of material wants and focus on God's desires for me. It's not always easy. Actually it is hardly ever easy. There is still that monster in me that longs for fancy, trendy, brand new... instead I try to be content.

But the truth is... I don't think I will ever be content. I don't honestly think that God makes us that way. I think we can easily fool ourselves into thinking we are... or could be if only _____. And I'm not talking about clothes or cars or houses here... I'm talking about the the deep down feeling in our souls... content.

I, for one, have this passion. Every single day it breaks my heart. It makes me cry... sob. It makes me sick to think about. I fight with God on how he could allow such a thing, and in the same breath I praise Him and thank Him for the little tiny miracles he creates in the midst of such grotesque and horrific situations.

I don't know why I have this passion. I don't know what will ever really come of it. I live day by day in the sorrow of knowing it exists... waiting for God to reveal what my true role is... but doing what I can in the mean time.

And so you may be wondering what my passion is... if you don't already know. It is so hard for me to know where to begin in describing it. But let me tell you this little story...

This year for Christmas I wanted to do something that mattered. I get sick of the buying of gifts just to say you got something for someone. What a waste. So we sponsored several children... orphans, who desperately need families... in the name of different family members. Much to my joy and excitement each one of them has found a family... all except one.

I have been drawn to her for so long. I have so longed to have her in our family, but I knew she couldn't be right now. She was about to age out of the orphanage. About to be sent to the institution to waste away and die. Thrown out by her family because she was different, left to an orphanage because they would not live with the social stigma of having a Downs child. Adorable, sweet, precious girl with no one to love her.

She didn't find a forever family. She died.

What a waste.

And so I know I will never be content with this earth. With the prejudices, the judgements, the hatred, the ignorance. I am not perfect. But I will do what I can for these children, because they deserve a chance. They deserve a shot at being content and being loved. And I know that God is working awfully hard for them as well. I see it here...
in a Beautiful Transformation
in a Redeeming Love
in celebrating 9 months home
and most importantly here, watching each day as new children find their families... slowly but surely.

Maybe for Valentine's Day this year you could consider skipping the candy and roses and donating to make a difference for one of these children. In the grand scheme of things what is really more important... flowers or a life? Candy or feeling the love of a family? Junk that will sit around your house taking up space or rescuing a precious child from almost certain death? If you're content with the way things are in your world... then more power to you. For me, I am happy to struggle with the discontent... it keeps my life in perspective.


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